I am indebted to my Mom Andee who inspired this conversation.
In the world of transformation, it's often said (or perhaps it's not
said often enough, depending on your listening) you can't transform
your life until you've completed your relationship with your parents ie
until you're complete with your parents.
To be sure, you can transform aspects of your life,
critical aspects of your life without completing your
relationship with your parents. But until you've completed your
relationship with your parents, you can't TRANSFORM
your LIFE. It can't be done. Not possible. You just can't
do it.
Since transformation is, after all, a conversation, it's easier to
complete a relationship with anyone while you're both alive, face to
face, here, together. But they and you alive, face to face, here,
together and in a conversation for the possibility of being complete in
relationship is really just a matter of pragmatism ie of
simplifying things - it's not a requirement. You can create
completion with anyone, dead or alive, remotely or face to face,
there or here, apart or together. Completion isn't a matter of
bringing your own bottle to
their party. Completion is a matter of bringing
everything to their party.
You can create completion with your parents even if you don't know who
they are. If that's the relationship you have with your parents ie if
the relationship you have with your parents is you don't know who
your parents are, that's what there is to be complete about. Not
knowing who your parents are is one form of relationship to have with
your parents. Somewhere between not knowing who your parents are, and
having parents who actively participate in your life, is your
particular point on the continuum of what the possibility is for
relationship with parents.
There's no exception, not one, in the entire history of the human race:
everyone human being has two parents - a father and a mother. Only some
of us are parents. But each of us have parents. There's no
exception. And there aren't too many things, when it comes to human
beings, about which it can be said there's no exception.
It's often assumed men have further to go to complete with
their mothers, and women have further to go to
complete with their fathers (as Sigmund Freud may have
said). This is a tenuous assumption. It's not powerful. What's closer
to the truth is this: those men and women who initiate a
conversation for the possibility of being complete with their parents,
don't have as far to go to complete with their parents as men and women
who don't initiate a conversation for the possibility of being complete
with their parents.
Being complete with your parents is being OK with them the way they
are, however it is they are, and being OK with them the way they
aren't, however it is they aren't. If you're not OK with your
parents the way they are and they way they aren't, you can't be
complete with them. The degree to which you're incomplete with your
parents is the degree to which your life can't ever be 100% totally
transformed.
